Monday, October 31, 2016

Life After Birth Control

My Daughter was born in September of 2007. Two weeks after her birth, my Doctor put me on birth control for no reason other than I wasn't interested in having any more children at the moment. Labor and delivery had been particularly rough on me (as in, I almost died), and I kinda wanted to see how this kid turned out before I committed to another. I'm thankful for the birth control option, because turns now nine year old, is more than enough for me. She's like five kids in one little body with ages ranging from two years old to thirty years old. Anyway, that's another post for another day.

During my first few years on the pill, there were no issues. I didn't have headaches, periods were about as smooth as a period could be, no abnormal mood swings, nothing worth noting to the Doc at my yearly OBGYN check-ups. But then something happened. Somewhere around the age of 27, after seven years on the pill, I discovered that my life wasn't okay anymore. I was about as interested in sex as a cheerleader at a Metallica concert, I felt like I was mean all of the time, and the only time I did feel pleasant was in the two days after my period before I started a new pack of pills. This was not okay, and I knew it wasn't okay.

For me, taking myself off of the pill wasn't an option. Not unless my Husband got himself fixed first. I didn't even consider other birth control methods, because somewhere in my little mind I thought that the pill was the only way to go. So, for three more years I suffered through. Mood swings got worse, I was popping terrible migraines during each period, and my Husband felt lucky if we had sex more than twice in a single month.

So one day, just a little over a month ago...I decided that I couldn't stand to be on the pill any longer. I couldn't do it. I sat at my desk one morning and battled with myself over the decision to take myself off of birth control. You have to understand, to me, coming off the pill meant increasing my chances of having another child...and I knew without a shadow of doubt that I did not want another child. I was (kinda still am) incredibly fearful to come off of something that I had relied on for nine years.

I believe that God saw me that morning as I battled over the decision of dropping the pill, because as I sat there googling statistics and effectiveness of other forms of birth control, He spoke to me: Trust Me more than you trust that pill.

That was it. That was all He had to say to me. I made the decision. I finished my pack of birth control pills, had a period, and didn't start a new pack. I even canceled my yearly OBGYN check up (don't worry, I'm rescheduling for first of the year).

Oh I was so excited! I just knew that I was about to feel awesome again! My body had been manipulated by that stupid little pill for nine years. I couldn't wait to go back to a place that my body hadn't seen in almost a decade.

I felt great for a few days. But then...ovulation. My body hadn't ovulated really in a long time. I didn't think about the fact that it might would be painful once those ovaries got back up and running again. It was painful. There was a tenderness in the area of my c-section scar that hurt so bad I wanted to cry. I even bled a little, and I was nauseous. What the crap was this? I got off of birth control to feel better! After about a week, thankfully, the symptoms passed and I was awesome again.

And now, here we are. The week of ovulation. I spent this past weekend with absolutely no appetite, nausea, and just an overall of feeling of complete and utter crap. I have even bled a little. At first, I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe I was getting sick, or I had eaten something wrong. And then I ovaries were revving up their engines. I have googled so many different things about side affects coming off of the pill, and it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in how terrible I have felt at different times during this journey of life after birth control. I've read that it takes three months for your body to return to normal. I'm hoping that's so. This is not what I had hoped for when I took myself off of the pill.

On a more positive note, the weeks when I'm not nauseous and feeling terrible, I am happier. I can tell a difference in my mood, and mean ol' Samantha has been replaced with a less angrier person. So, my prayer is that soon my ovaries will get used to the whole ovulation thing, my hormone levels will level out, and I can go back to feeling like I'm 19 again. HA!

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